The Pressure to Settle Down Post-Grad
By Jordan DelFiugo
The pressure for women to settle down after college might not always be explicit, but it is definitely felt. There is a balancing act women in their twenties are forced to navigate once they graduate, one between forging a new, independent life for themselves and subtle, yet persistent reminders about following the “right timeline.”
I have always loved romantic comedies, and films like Bridget Jones’s Diary (2001), 27 Dresses (2008), and The Proposal (2009) starred female leads I aspired to, with great friend groups and great careers. However, while these women were successful in nearly every aspect of their lives, they were seen as unfulfilled spinsteres because of the societal expectations around marriage and motherhood.
This kind of media representation suggests that women need to follow a timeline that consists of meeting someone, dating for a few years, building a career, and starting a family, all before the “expiration date” of turning 30. While these kinds of narratives were especially prevalent in ‘90s and early 2000s media, they have had a lasting impact on how our culture perceives single women.
As I approach the end of my college years, something that has become troubling to me is that these narratives, while fictional, carry a very real truth. College is the last time women are truly permitted by society to still be “figuring things out” when it comes to career goals, or whether or not to get married and start a family. According to Time Magazine, “The pressure to ‘settle down’ mounts when women hit their 20s, and if a woman’s 30th birthday passes without a proposal, she can be made to feel as if she’s ‘missed her moment.’” While films, TV, and influences on platforms like Instagram and Tiktok often reinforce the idea that women should ‘settle down’ by a certain age, this phenomenon goes beyond the media.
Given this context, the issue of choice becomes even more significant. Whether to marry, have children, or focus on career ambitions, the right to choose how, when, or even whether we want to create our families is a fundamental aspect of our freedom. It has become increasingly clear, with the current climate surrounding women’s rights, that this choice is no longer something that we can take for granted. Our anatomy over our own bodies, and more imminently our own futures, is increasingly under threat, and the ability to make these decisions without external interference is critical.
There is nothing wrong with choosing to become a mother or a homemaker if that is what fulfills us, but the choice to do so must remain ours to make. It’s not about rejecting the idea of family or marriage, but instead about ensuring that women remain able to make these decisions for themselves, without being limited by legislation or societal judgment.
This notion is a deeply embedded societal expectation. The uncertainty of reproductive rights in today’s political climate makes the stakes feel even higher. With the overturning of Roe v. Wade in 2022 and Donald Trump’s reelection in November, there is an increased sense of anxiety about reproductive health and birth control access, making the decision to have children feel less like a personal choice and more like a life-altering commitment that has been imposed on us. The idea of having children and starting a family has, to some extent, become about navigating a system that is increasingly hostile to women's autonomy over their own bodies.